When Sleep Schedules Aren’t Enough: Why Your Baby Might Be Tired and Wired
You followed the rules. You timed the naps. So why is bedtime still chaos?
You bought the blackout shades. You committed to the 7:00 PM bedtime like it was a sacred ritual. You whispered “sleep begets sleep” like a mantra passed down through the ages (thanks, Dr. Weissbluth). And yet—here you are. Holding a toddler who’s somehow wide awake and melting down at 9:30 PM while you question all your life choices and contemplate moonlighting as a bedtime crooner.
Sound familiar?
First, let me just say: you’re not doing it wrong. Seriously. As a pediatric sleep consultant and trauma therapist (yes, I speak fluent cortisol), I’m here to tell you that sometimes, a biologically appropriate schedule isn’t the full story.
Let’s dive into why sleep isn't always just about the schedule—and what you can do when your baby’s body says “yes” to sleep, but their nervous system says, “HA, good one.”
You Did Everything Right—So What Gives?
The research is there. You learned ALL about the sleep windows, circadian rhythms, overtiredness, and the sweet spot for putting babies down before they turn into feral raccoons. This foundation matters—big time.
But here’s the kicker: sleep isn't just biological. It's also emotional.
If your little one has had a rocky start—maybe a tough birth, a NICU stay, early medical procedures, disruptions in caregiving, or even just a particularly spicy temperament—they might carry hidden stress. And stress doesn’t clock out at bedtime.
The Nervous System Is Kinda Like That One Extra Friend We All Have
You know the one. Even when everything is chill, they still act like the world is ending. That’s what an overactivated nervous system does. And kids—especially babies and toddlers—don’t have the tools to down-regulate yet.
So instead of winding down for sleep, they might:
Fight you like a tiny ninja fighter at nap time
Panic when you leave the room (even for 1.2 seconds)
Wake up screaming at 2 AM like they just met good ol’ Casper
These aren’t bad habits or signs of manipulative behavior (spoiler alert: babies don’t have evil master plans). These are stress responses—aka the body’s way of saying, “I don’t feel safe enough to let go.”
When “Tired” Looks Like “Wired”
Ever notice your kid getting hyper right before sleep? That’s not them “getting a second wind”—it’s their body pumping out cortisol, the stress hormone, because it missed the sleep window or doesn’t feel secure enough to rest.
Add in a nervous system that’s been through some stuff, and suddenly your ideal bedtime routine feels like haggling for Taylor Swift tickets.
This is especially true for kiddos who’ve experienced trauma or even just chronic overstimulation (ahem, modern parenting). Sleep is a vulnerable state. If the brain doesn’t feel safe, it won’t let the body power down.
So... What Now?
I’m so glad you asked.
You don’t have to throw out your sleep schedule (please don’t—I worked hard to get you here). But we can layer in some trauma-informed care to help your child feel emotionally safe enough to sleep.
Here are a few ideas:
Co-regulation before independence
Before asking your child to self-soothe, make sure they’ve been deeply soothed with you first. Think: warm touch, attuned eye contact, a safe voice.
Routine + Relationship = Sleep Magic
Structure matters. So does softness. Create a predictable bedtime, but also leave room for emotional check-ins. Let them “empty their cup” through play, stories, or snuggles.
Calm the body to calm the brain
Use music, movement, massage, or breathing games to help discharge energy. You’re building the bridge from “fight-or-flight” to “rest-and-digest.”
Validate the scary stuff
Even if their fears don’t make sense to you (e.g., the humidifier becomes evil at night), take them seriously. Emotional safety paves the road to better sleep.
You’re Not Alone in This
Sleep isn’t just science—it’s also soul work. And when it’s not working, it can feel like you’re failing. But you’re not. You just need someone who understands both the biology and the feelings behind it.
That’s where I come in.
Need Support? Let’s Talk
If bedtime feels more like a battleground than a bonding moment, I’d love to help. I offer free consultations to explore what might be going on and how we can work together to bring more rest—and less stress—into your home.
Reach out anytime to learn more or schedule a chat. Sleep is possible. Sanity is too ;-)
